i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
