I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
