So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dignity is for republicans.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
