so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
