btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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