it was like his penis was on wheels.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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