Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
