Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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