Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
