Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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