i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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