So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
