She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
