I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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