I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
