I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
