Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
