winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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