that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
