I think i peed on brittanys purse
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
