oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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