Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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