can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
