Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
