you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
