That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
