Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
