the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
