You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
