We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
