You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Welp...herpes.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
