There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
