His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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