so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
