I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
