our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
