you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
