Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
