Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
