Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
