Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
