like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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