I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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