OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
