I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
