just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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