Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
