I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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