I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
