The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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