omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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