Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
