Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
