No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
